Wednesday, December 16, 2015

So soon

I've never had a week so torturously and slowly drag by in my life. It is Wednesday. I feel like it should be Saturday. Uuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhh.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

This week ends the long countdown to Jonathan's return. I have to say, I am not coming out of the experience as I expected. I'm not miraculously a better house-keeper, I am not gainfully employed, and I am an entirely inadequate mother. I can say with every certainty that Jonathan is the better half of our marriage whilst I.... I am a mess.

Yesterday, on the way to church, Andrea fell asleep. Unfortunately if there is even a tiny bit of pee in her bladder, the second her eyes shut she pees. And so we arrived to church and she was completely soaked. After several minutes of screaming followed by a few minutes of hushed whines and whimpers in our pew, I had to drag her from the chapel. I pack a bag with spare clothes every Saturday, but the spare clothes are for the little one that is still iffy on the potty-training front, not the one that never has an accident away from home.

My first stop was to go by the lost and found and dig around. Nothing much there, but in that closet there was a men's dress shirt left over from the clothing drive in October. One of thousands of items sent from DI to give out to the community, this particular striped shirt had a long run under one of the sleeves and was thus culled out and hung up in the closet, there to await a day when it would be thrown in with the other forgotten items from the Closet of Misfit things and thrown away. I grabbed a BSA neckerchief from the lost and found, then hauled Andi to the bathroom. As disagreeable as her sopping situation was, she really did not want to wear that shirt. Another screaming fit ensued which reached its peak when I told her, in a very angry fashion, that there was nothing else I could do and I was going into sacrament meeting, she could just stay and scream. Seeing no other agreeable options, she finally consented to wearing that shirt. I rolled up the sleeves and belted it with the neckerchief, and she looked darling. We were both tired, both had headaches, and both wanted to just go home. But we made it work. A little chaos to start the day.

Randomly another sister had a pair of underwear that would fit Andrea, and thus she was completely set and there were no further incidents during church.

And so we stayed, Jonathan called and I got to talk to him for 17 minutes, and then it was back to work. My calling this year has been arranging the musical numbers for sacrament meeting and leading the choir. Yesterday was our last chance to rehearse our music before this Sunday's Christmas services.

I had a nightmare last week that no one showed up for our last rehearsal and the bishop canceled the program. I was an absolute failure, and it was as bad as those terrible "naked giving a speech" or "teeth falling out" kind of dreams. I have been really nervous about this choir stuff.

We practiced over an hour. The poor choir was so cooperative with me. They worked so hard and I have every confidence that they will do a marvelous job on Sunday. My poor children accepted their lot and went to the gym, threw around some balls, and then tore apart the nursery. It was 4:25 before I called rehearsal, and we said a prayer, gathered our things, and left. Things were hastily picked up, food items cleaned, and we were out the door to take an investigator with a lovely voice home, and then on to our place. We had 30 minutes to do it before dark, and no working tail lights on our car. I walk on the wild side, what can I say? (Jonathan tried to repair those lights before he left, but no luck. Said car is currently in the shop.)

After dropping off Colby I went to check the time. No phone. A bored little girl 'fessed to taking said phone, watching a movie, and maybe forgetting to put it back but oh she swears she did. It was too late to turn back, so I made what contacts I could over email and facebook when we got home and hoped someone would find it.

This morning I went to the church and spent an hour looking for that phone. Poor Peter sweetly said, "I'm so sorry" the entire time because my phone was lost, and I was just so sad. As we drove home I went over all of my options. I still had my old phone, I could probably get a SIM card for that one. First I'd check Find-My-Phone and see if someone took it, but at least I had that backup.

As we were on the last leg home I saw a rainbow, a very vibrant one. Each color was quite distinct and defined. I pointed it out to Peter and he just gushed over that rainbow the rest of the way home. Something I grew up hearing was that for every year there is a rainbow that is a promise that Christ isn't coming back yet. I don't even remember where that came from, and I am not really sure you can make such predictions by rainbows, but whatever. As we were walking into the house I jokingly said to Peter, "Well, the world isn't ending, Pete." And then it hit me. Losing my phone wasn't the end of the world. A moment before I would have said something very different, but now... Not the end of the world.

What would be the end of the world?

I met a woman in Texas flying home to Utah after leaving her husband's BCT graduation. She'd been living with her sister-in-law (the crazy one she doesn't really get along with) while her husband was gone. She was hugely pregnant, due right after Christmas. Turns out, her husband's ten weeks at bootcamp turned into seven and a half months when he fell and broke his hip half-way through BCT. Now THAT would be the end of the world.

Peter was seriously ill last year. He was admitted to the hospital because half of his blood was missing. Jonathan and I were afraid he was going to die. Now THAT would be the end of the world.

And yet that young woman and her daughter had survived most of the year where they'd only been expecting ten weeks. So obviously that wasn't the end of the world. And I know other families that have grown and strengthened themselves after the loss of a child. So obviously while it is the worst kind of thing to experience and probably feels like the end of the world for a long time, that isn't the end of the world. I've actually lost a baby. It indeed felt like the end of the world. But here I am. ... So losing my phone, especially when I had options, was most definitely not the end of the world. Chaotic, yes. End of the world? No.

Turns out I didn't have Find-My-Phone activated, so I got the other phone charged, then said a prayer. "Thanks for the rainbow. Help me survive and not be vicious to myself. Help me be happy today." No, I didn't pray to find the phone because I felt like that was a lost cause (pun, yes).

On the drive to the AT&T store I had a feeling I should check the church again. So back we went.  I called myself stupid so many times on the way there because I had searched for an hour and that phone was not there. But I couldn't not go. And wouldn't you know, in a back corner of a room our ward never uses, there it was.

I turned on Find-My-Phone as soon as I got home.

Later today we took the car to the repair shop. I walked to get the kids, and we walked to my scout meeting this evening. They didn't complain, and no one really noticed the kids were there. Funny enough, our Cubmaster had to bring along HIS kids, so it was just the meeting of the kids this month. As I try to do every month, we kept the meeting brief and were finished an hour later. That NEVER happens. Tender mercies, guys. Seriously.

I got a call from the repair shop. There is a corroded wire on one side, and a corroded computer connection on the other. The one will be an easy fix, the other something more expensive. I hope they have the part in stock at their supplier's place. I'm hoping for an estimate tomorrow, and hopefully a street-legal vehicle by Wednesday.

And then Jonathan comes home. That's not going to magically fix everything, but it will give us the balance we've been so missing these last two months.