This cat is killing me. He's such a cuddly fluff-a-poof, but he causes a fuss almost every morning while I'm teaching. Its 5:00am, and he'll decide its time for aggressive cuddles, so he will sprint and launch himself into my face in the middle of my class. My students think it is hilarious I suddenly have a mouthful of cat tail. Good thing he's cute. And cuddly.
Elizabeth started walking. Its pretty stiff still, but she's gaining speed.
Jonathan is on orders. He was worried he was going to be moved to DC with the rest of his unit, but because he took COVID orders first they won't be moving him off them. That's nice. His were the last set of orders with the perks that make orders really nice. Everyone else won't get the same compensation he is getting.
David leaves next week for a ski trip with a friend. He went last year and had a blast, so it was really important to him that he go this year. I think we might try to do it as a family next year. Depends on Jonathan's schedule. We are already doing Disney this year, so that's a lot of $$ and planning.
I gave a talk at church this past Sunday. Its weird, about a month ago I had the thought that it had been a while. Like, a solid couple of years. And I was totally satisfied with this arrangement of flying under the radar. But my subconscious must have been warning me because I started having crazy dreams about giving a talk that always ended horribly. The last one was a dream that I'd forgotten I was going to speak, so I went up to the podium, started singing, then remembered we aren't allowed to sing in church. So I started humming and wandered over to the organ to play. It was awful. But I got a text during my third class that next morning asking me to speak. No WAY was I putting it off after that weirdo dream.
Anyway, for posterity, here's the talk:
As a young girl, I spent hours reading from a treasured copy of "The Book of Virtues". I've never been much of one for poetry, but I distinctly remember the day I first read a poem by Sam Walter Foss entitled "The House By the Side of the Road." The words echoed the sincerest desires of my young hear, and I've often fallen back on them throughout my life.
"There are hermit souls that live withdrawn
in the peace of their self-content;
There are souls, like stars, that dwell apart,
In a fellowless firmament;
There are pioneer souls that blaze their paths
Where highways never ran;-
But let me live by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.
Let me live in a house by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by -
The men who are good and the men who are bad,
As good and as bad as I.
I would not sit in the scorner's seat,
Or hurl the cynic's ban;-
Let me live in a house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man."
In the end, is that not what we have all covenanted to do? We demonstrated we were "desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people" and thus covenanted that we are "willing to bear one another's burdens, that they might be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." And as we act on our covenants, in faith, our efforts are magnified and we are led as heavenly agents to render aid or service to others around us. This is the very definition of Ministering (seriously, that's what it says in the Webster's dictionary). The Church website states that "ministering is learning of and attending to others' needs. It is doing the Lord's work. When we minister, we are representing Jesus Christ and acting as His agents to watch over, life, and strengthen those around us."
So how do we go about ministering as the Savior would want us to? What would Jesus have me do?
1. Forgive yourself. Yep. Start with you. Look in the mirror, and be nice to yourself. Reaching out to people we barely know can be daunting for anyone. Don't be hard on yourself for your perceived shortcomings and mistakes and anxieties. In introducing the new ministering program, Jeffrey R Holland said, "We will continue to visit homes as possible, but local circumstances such as large numbers, long distances, personal safety, and other challenging conditions may preclude a visit to every home every month. As the First PResidency counseled years ago, do the best you can." This means in the ways taht are best for your circumstances and health. Know your limitations, establish healthy boundaries for yourself and your family. This does not mean that we do not step out of our comfort zone, or that every interaction will always be easy. But it does mean that we take ourselves and our health into account. This is not an excuse to do nothing. But forgive yourself if your best doesn't look like a perfect Pinterest board. M. Russel Ballard shared this story: "One of my children once said, 'Dad, I wonder if I will ever be able to make it.' I responded, 'All Heavenly Father asks of us is to do the very best we can each day.' Brothers and sisters, do the best you can do day after day, and before you know it, you will come to realize that your Heavenly Father knows you and that He loves you." Your best effort is all that is required.
2. As you forgive yourself and then try your best, my second recommendation is to remember your role. You are NOT the Savior. We have one, His name is Jesus Christ. Let Him do His job of saving people; your job is to love, serve, help, be kind and listen, comfort and mourn. Do not make another person's salvation your responsibility. Do your best to do as the spirit directs, and let HIm do the rest. The Church Handbook of Instruction states that our responsibility as ministers is to "represent" the Lord. We are to "watch over" Church members and "be with and strengthen them". We are to help them strengthen their faith in God and Christ, help them to prepare to make and keep sacred covenants, and discern needs and provide Christlike love and swervice; and most importantly, help them become spiritually and temporally self-reliant. The greatest work of our Savior and Heavenly Parents is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of mankind, that is something that is totally out of the realm of our abilities to accomplish. Our greatest work is to show ourselves and otehrs the way to Them in our every action.
3. Ask those you serve what they need. Too often we start trying to do things for the people we're asked to serve without even know what they want. Sister Jean B. Bingham said, “Sometimes we think we have to do something grand and heroic to 'count' as serving our neighbors. Yet simple acts of service can have a profound effects on others – as well as on ourselves.” Get to know those are assigned to, become a friend by letting them know you care. I'm not knocking cookies, I always appreciate a Diet Dr Pepper visit myself, but don't make that your only interaction once a month. Christ didn't just heal and pray, sometimes his service was celebrating, too. He rejoiced when he saw the faith of the Nephites, he provided refreshment at a wedding. So go to their kids' recitals or football games. Congratulate them on their new job, recognize their triumphs at school. “Celebrate successes large or small. It could be getting through cancer or getting through a breakup, finding a new job or finding a lost shoe, surviving a month after the loss of a loved one or surviving a week without sugar. Call to congratulate, drop off a card, or go out for lunch. By sharing in our blessings together, living with gratitude, and celebrating the blessings and success of others, we 'have rejoicings in the joy of our brethren.'” (“Are You Missing This Vital Part of Ministering?” Ensign, October 2019). I have felt the love and friendship of my ministers as they have gone on a walk with me, sent their kids to watch Andrea dance, or stopped by with a random Dr Pepper on a random day. I have received ministering love when a family, who had no assignment, simply saw a mom tired and struggling with her little ones while their dad was away for an extended period of time, and they invited me and the kids to have dinner with them. I appreciate the little text, “Hey! How are you today?” or “Look at my happy plant!” Or even just a funny meme. Puzzle nights, sewing dates, a ride to an activity, an encouraging smile and a bright laugh. A friend ministered in the purest way when she cried tears of joy with me when Elizabeth said to her, “Look at my legs!” and took shaky steps around the room on her first day walking since early November. Small and simple.
M Russell Ballard taught: “Our ministering efforts will be more successful if we keep our
ministering simple. The most joy comes from the simple things of life, so we need to be careful not
to think that more needs to be added to any of the adjustments we have received to build faith and
strong testimonies in the hearts of God’s children.”
The church website has other suggestions for that include doing family history and temple work,
avoiding negative judgements and encouraging others, and creating a culture of inclusion at
Church. I recently heard this, that we must be “...willing to stand in the other person's shoes for just
a moment. Because here's the thing about life: there is no accounting for what fate will deal you.
There are some days when we need a hand. There are other days when we're called on to lend one.
That is how we must be with one another.” (President Biden, Inaugural Address, Jan. 20, 2021). And I know that these are truly the simple things that help us grow to be a Zion people.
4.Let others help you help others. Just like you're not the Savior, you are also not the only person in your church. Know your personal limitations, and where appropriate enlist the aid of others to help. Richard C. Edgley taught:
“From bearing one another’s burdens as ward members, we have learned several lessons:
- The Lord’s organization is fully adequate to know and care for those with even the most dire emotional and spiritual needs.
- Adversity can bring us closer to God, with a renewed and enlightened
appreciation for prayer and the Atonement, which covers pain and suffering in all
their manifestations.
- Members who suffer tragedy firsthand often experience an increased capacity for
love, compassion, and understanding. They become the first, last, and often the
most effective responders in giving comfort and showing compassion to others.
- A ward, as well as a family, draws closer together as it endures togetherg —what
happens to one happens to all.
And perhaps most important, we can each be more compassionate and caring because we have each had our own personal trials and experiences to draw from. We can endure together.”
When my sorrows or struggles were more than a ministering sister or brother could tackle, I can think of the many experts that have been sent in to render aid. There's always someone that knows how to help with a resume, or get your son's tie fixed before he passes the sacrament. For me there were sisters who understood the heartache of empty arms when a baby gains her wings before you can hold her; brothers and sisters that are experts in their field and can provide calming assurances that my very sick son will be okay and can interpret the medical jargon I do not understand. When personal relationships and trials were almost too overwhelming, there was a sister that perfectly comprehended the hurt and could help identify healthy coping mechanisms and introduced me to invaluable resources. There is SOMEONE in this congregation that understands what you are
experiencing, or what the families you minister to are experiencing, and can offer wisdom and support in ways that others may not. Do not be afraid to seek out this help in behalf of those you minister to, where appropriate and necessary. Bishops, Relief Society presidents, and Elders quorum presidents are a great place to start if you don't know where to go.
5. Finally, how do we minister as the Savior would have us minister? Just be you. You were given this assignment because of the person you are, not because of the person you aren't. Gary E. Stevenson said, “ Heavenly Father can take our simple, daily efforts and turn them into something miraculous.” Maybe you do not feel you are enough. Maybe you feel these small acts are inadequate or your simple efforts are insufficient; I promise you, they are enough. YOU are enough. Jeffrey R Holland - “In spite of what we all feel are our limitations and inadequaciesg —and we all have challengesg —nevertheless, may we labor side by side with the Lord of the vineyard, giving the God and Father of us all a helping hand with His staggering task of answering prayers, providing comfort, drying tears, and strengthening feeble knees.”
David L Beck taught, “Minister every day. Opportunities are all around you. Look for them. Ask the Lord to help you recognize them. You will find that most consist of small, sincere acts that help others become followers of Jesus Christ."
In my life, I have been greatly touched by the simple acts of faithful ministers. I have been incredibly blessed by what might have been a mundane thing for them! Blessings for my children while their dad was away, or blessings for me as I struggled to cope. One sister invited me to sit on her couch while I was miserably sick with morning sickness, she was happy to let our kids play and let me rest. I've had more than one person just KNOW I needed a Dr Pepper, and one magically appeared at my door (thank you!). I once accepted a request to participate in a special RS project, then three days before our first rehearsal, I miscarried. A dear sister saw me in the hall and just knew something was wrong, and when I tearfully explained what was happening in my life at that moment she told me to go home and she'd handle any disappointment from the other participants. She had my back! This same sister pulled over on a crazy day last May to help Jonathan get me to the car when I'd fallen down my stairs and was out of my mind with pain over a severely sprained foot. She'd seen us struggling to get to the car, and she didn't hesitate. In that moment I had NO idea who she was, just that an angel helped a sailor into a car – and she totally didn't judge.
A ministering sister turned precious friend has made more hospital trips for me, to collect a kid (I could have SWORN I was going home, no way was I having a baby that day), or bring me an overnight bag when a little one was suddenly admitted for a week and I had nothing with me. Rides to airports, rides FROM airports, popcorn or cookies or wrapping paper or a plant or a pretty wreath for my door at Christmas... “What day should I bring you dinner?” or “Hey! I've got an extra Dr Pepper, you want it?” or “Let's go catch a movie.” or “Can we come decorate your Christmas tree?” In a moment when I'd been made to feel absolutely worthless, a dear sister held my shaking hands through a vulnerable moment, gave me the strength to complete my task, commended my endurance when I felt I was so weak and things were hopeless. She gave me love when I felt unloveable. And then she took a deep breath with me and said, “Lets go get a Dr Pepper!” And the best tortellini Romano ever! Her small acts may have seemed insignificant to her, but they were miracles to me, and a healing balm to my broken heart.
So how do we minister as the Savior would have us minister?
And be a friend to man.
