Friday, May 2, 2014

The devil in the distraction

I achieved the life-long goal of beating Bowser in Super Mario World. I will admit to having spent far too much time working my way through each level and finally getting to the point that I could beat Bowser. And I'll admit to saving my game mid fight with Bowser so I didn't have to play all the way through the castle to get to him again. And I will admit that it was also just a way for me to kill time without having to think.

I've been doing that a lot lately.

Peter's appointment went well yesterday. I suppose. It wasn't what I expected, but then I'm not entirely sure what I expected. We talked to the doctor, he checked Peter out, felt his belly, tried listening to his lungs and heart but Peter was starting to panic by that point. Dr commented on Peter's heart murmur, swollen belly, pale features... I showed him the many poop pictures I have saved on my phone. We talked foods, Andi's gluten sensitivities, Peter's fatigue and activity level. He feels that celiac is the best bet. He ordered a celiac blood test, if that is positive we'll move on to the scope. Then he said if that test is negative it is probably just "toddler diarrhea". Toddler diarrhea is usually caused by a child drinking excess fluids and usually resolves itself as a child gets older. I'm a little skeptical on that one. He also ordered a CBC and thyroid test as well as an ultrasound to check what we think is a swollen lymph node on Peter's abdomen and an enlarged liver.

Next was labs. That was a nightmare. Peter was an easy stick, they got a vein right away every single time. But he just wouldn't bleed. It was especially thick and ran like glue. It took under a minute for his blood to start clotting. Turns out he is super dehydrated from almost ten weeks of diarrhea. Despite all the extra fluids he's taking in he is still pretty dry. Not bad enough to take him in to the hospital, but it is definitely something that we are watching. So it took four sticks, one in each hand, right arm, and right foot, three nurses, and a half hour to get all of the blood we needed for the tests. Poor little guy was exhausted by the time we left. He slept on the way home and then took a couple of naps during the day.

The doctor told me not to worry about the big, bad, begins-with-a-C diagnoses. He said that more often than not these things are totally benign. Although that's why we are doing the ultrasound, we want to make sure everything is working and looking the way it is supposed to on the inside. So of course it is on my mind.

Deep breaths.

And lots of distracted cleaning. Scrub the stains, hunt the germs, wipe the dust. Concentrate on the task at hand.

Go for a run. One foot, then the next. Breathe, step,  dodge the goose gifts. Concentrate on the task at hand.

Keep the kids fed, play, read a book. Snuggle, hug, kiss. Soak up the smells, even the stinky ones. Concentrate on the task at hand.

Prayer is a dangerous thing. Acknowledging my fears, doubts, concerns leaves me too much room to think and feel. I've been avoiding prayer because I don't like the side effects.

Google is a jerk.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Caroline, I'm so sorry. I wish I was nearby to help some how.
    Prayer helps though, and so I will pray for you until you can pray for yourself. I am sure I am not the only one.
    Love you.