Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Something green I am thankful for

Six years ago we wanted a sibling for David. We felt it was time, it seemed like a good space between two kids. But nothing. For a long time, nothing.

And then we found out there was going to be a baby! We were beyond excited. I met with my midwife, I was sick as a dog, everything seemed to be going smoothly. And then our hearts broke when we learned that our little one had died.

The day I finally miscarried was tough, and my mom was miles away in California. The one person I wanted next to me couldn't be there, but I knew her prayers and thoughts were with me. I'm pretty sure my mom's last words in this life will be a prayer for her children. And then she'll keep praying for us, that's just the kind of awesome mom she is.

Sitting on the beach, miles away but still very much with me, she found beach glass. As it was right after 4th of July there was an abundant supply, and she picked up many, many pieces and brought them back to Texas. She put them in a beautiful glass heart vase and gave them to me. That little heart, with so many beautiful bits if broken glass, meant so much to me. It was MY heart, shattered in so many pieces, the sharp edges rubbed smooth by rough sand and tumbling waves, made beautiful by trial and bound again into one by another power.

Andrea's pregnancy was not the healing experience others said it would be following the loss of Hannah, I think it came too soon and I was so scared of losing another baby. But Peter's was healing. I devoted a lot of time to preparing myself, bonding with him and settling into my space.

Those little pieces of beach glass worked their way into an art piece during that time. It sits in my room still, and is a constant source of peace.

I'm thankful for peace. I'm thankful for my mom's understanding heart, and the love she has for each of her girls (and grand kids, too). I am thankful for those little pieces of beach glass that remind me that even broken things can be beautiful.

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